Most of us will attend a funeral at some point in our lives. For many years in the UK, funerals followed a familiar pattern, often held in a church or crematorium, marked by black clothing and formal rituals. These ceremonies have traditionally been seen as a time to mourn a loss, to acknowledge grief, and to say goodbye.
Today, however, conversations around death are becoming more open. Many families are beginning to ask whether a funeral must always be solemn, or whether it can also be a time to celebrate the person who has died. For some, the focus is shifting from mourning alone to remembering a life with warmth, personality, and meaning.
Why do we hold funerals?
Ceremonies surrounding death have existed for as long as human societies. Across cultures and throughout history, people have created rituals to help them make sense of loss, honour the dead, and support those left behind.
In ancient Egypt, death was not seen as an ending but as a transition. Bodies were preserved and buried with items believed to be useful in the afterlife. While most modern societies no longer share these beliefs, other traditions still reflect a strong sense of ongoing connection. In Madagascar, for example, the famadihana ceremony involves families periodically bringing out the remains of ancestors to rewrap them and celebrate with music and food. This ritual reinforces kinship and remembrance long after death.
Although these customs may feel far removed from British funerals, many of our own traditions also have deep historical roots.
Where do British funeral traditions come from?
Wearing black as a sign of mourning dates back to Roman times, when people wore dark clothing to show respect after a death. This tradition remains common today, although more families now ask guests to wear bright colours or something meaningful instead. These requests often reflect a desire to celebrate a person’s individuality rather than focus solely on loss.
Cremation also has ancient origins. The Romans used funeral pyres, gathering together as a body was cremated. While modern crematoria have replaced open-air pyres, the idea of coming together to mark a death has endured. Over time, funerals in the UK became more formal, often reflecting social status and wealth, rather than personal preference.
Today, that is changing.
Mourning and celebrating at the same time
For many families, funerals already include both mourning and celebration. A wake, often held in a home, pub, or restaurant, allows people to relax after the ceremony, share stories, and remember happier times. Laughter and tears often sit side by side, helping people process grief in a more natural way.
These gatherings can be an important part of coming to terms with loss. Remembering a loved one through shared stories, favourite music, or familiar places can feel comforting and grounding during a difficult time.
Increasingly, families are choosing to place more emphasis on these moments of remembrance, sometimes even separating them from the funeral itself.
Choosing how you want to remember someone
There is no single right way to say goodbye. Some people find comfort in traditional services, while others feel overwhelmed by the idea of a formal funeral so soon after a death. This has led many families to explore alternatives that give them more time, space, and flexibility.
A celebration of life can take many forms. It might be a quiet gathering in a garden, a walk along a favourite beach, or a larger event filled with music, readings, and shared memories. What matters most is that it reflects the person being remembered and feels right for those attending.
If you are looking for ideas or guidance, our free guide to holding a celebration of life explores different ways to create a meaningful and personal tribute, at a pace that suits you.
A pure cremation and celebration of life
For some families, separating the practical arrangements from the remembrance itself can feel like a relief. With a pure cremation, there is no service at the crematorium. Instead, the cremation takes place privately, and the ashes are returned to the family.
This approach removes the pressure of organising a ceremony within days of a death. It allows families to take their time, choose a meaningful date, and hold a celebration of life when they feel emotionally ready. This might be weeks or even months later, perhaps on a birthday, anniversary, or at a place that held special meaning.
A pure cremation can also be a much more affordable option, freeing up money that might otherwise be spent on a traditional funeral. Some families choose to put those funds towards a lasting memorial, a gathering with loved ones, or a cause that mattered to the person who died.
What matters most
Whether you choose a traditional funeral, a celebration of life, or a combination of both, the most important thing is that it feels right for you and your family. Mourning and celebrating are not opposites. They often exist together, helping us acknowledge loss while honouring the life that was lived.
As attitudes continue to change, more people are realising that funerals do not have to follow a fixed format. They can be personal, flexible, and shaped around what brings comfort and meaning.
If you would like to learn more about a pure cremation or explore different ways to say goodbye, our team is always here to answer questions and offer gentle guidance whenever you are ready. You can call us for free on 0800 470 23 93.
