When someone you love dies, the thought of arranging a funeral can feel overwhelming. Alongside grief, you are faced with decisions about what kind of farewell feels right. Many people are surprised to discover that there are more options than the traditional image of a funeral director in black, a solemn procession of cars, and one single day filled with sorrow.
You may be asking yourself if there is another way. The answer is yes. More families are now choosing to separate the cremation from the farewell ceremony, creating two distinct moments. This approach can ease the pressure of having to do everything at once and gives you the freedom to plan a send-off that truly reflects your loved one’s life and character. The ceremony does not need to be elaborate or expensive. It can be simple, heartfelt, and entirely personal.
In this article, we’ll guide you through the traditional cremation ceremony, explain what happens during a direct cremation, and explore the many ways you can create a meaningful farewell afterwards.
What happens at a traditional cremation ceremony
When a family chooses cremation, the service usually takes place in a crematorium chapel, although some prefer a place of worship or another meaningful venue. The service is held before the cremation itself.
Traditionally, the funeral director collects the family from home in a hearse with limousines following behind. The cortege makes its way slowly to the crematorium, a ritual that signals the beginning of the farewell. Increasingly, however, families choose to meet directly at the crematorium instead, reducing the formality.
Once there, pallbearers carry the coffin into the chapel while close family members follow behind and take their seats at the front. Guests may already be seated inside or gather outside until the procession arrives.
The ceremony is usually led by an officiant such as a minister, celebrant, or humanist. The order of service often includes music, readings, and eulogies, chosen by the family. This part of the funeral lasts around 20 to 45 minutes, depending on the content.
At the end of the service, the coffin is taken through to the crematory for the cremation itself. This may happen shortly afterwards or later in the day, depending on how busy the crematorium is. Sometimes a committal takes place elsewhere first, such as in a church, before travelling to the crematorium for this final stage.
After the service, many families gather again at a wake. This can be held at a family home, a community hall, or another chosen venue. While wakes are traditional, they are optional, and some people prefer not to have them.
Understanding cremation ceremony etiquette
Funeral etiquette often follows tradition, but there are no strict rules. Each family sets the tone of the service, guided by their values and beliefs.
Traditions influence choices such as flower arrangements, whether invitations are sent or the funeral is open to all, and whether mourners wear black or something less formal. The important thing to remember is that you can adapt these customs. A funeral can be traditional, modern, spiritual, or secular. What matters most is that it feels right for you and your family.
Are cremations carried out straight after the service?
Many people wonder what happens once the coffin leaves the chapel. In most cases, the cremation takes place shortly after the ceremony, but sometimes it happens later the same day. Crematoria may have several services scheduled, so the exact timing varies.
The ashes are usually ready for collection around 48 hours later. A funeral director will either collect them on behalf of the family or arrange delivery.
Why families choose cremation without a ceremony
For many people, a traditional funeral feels too formal or rushed. Direct cremation offers a simpler approach. There is no attended ceremony at the crematorium. Instead, the cremation happens quietly, giving family and friends time to grieve privately before planning a memorial or celebration of life later.
Direct cremation is not a lesser choice. It gives the same dignified and professional care for your loved one. What it removes is the pressure of organising a big event immediately after death. Many families appreciate the time this gives them to think about how best to celebrate a life, rather than focusing only on loss.
What to expect with a direct cremation
The cremation process itself is identical whether or not a service takes place. A direct cremation provider still takes responsibility for collecting and caring for the person who has died. At Pure Cremation, we care for people who have died at home, in a hospital, hospice, or nursing home.
Those who live in England and Wales are cared for at our facility in Hampshire, while Scottish families are looked after in Glasgow. In most cases, the cremation is arranged on a day chosen by the provider and is not attended by the family.
Once the cremation is complete, the ashes can be returned by hand to a chosen address on UK mainland.
Comparing the cost of cremation funerals
The SunLife Cost of Dying Report 2025 highlights the difference in costs between different funeral types. The average cost of a simple funeral with a burial is £5,198, while the average cremation funeral costs £3,980.
Direct cremation is significantly more affordable, but it is important to note that affordability is not the only reason people choose it. Direct cremation is a distinct alternative, offering families time and freedom. For some, a traditional service is still the right choice. For others, separating the cremation from the farewell ceremony feels more fitting.
The benefits of separating the cremation from the ceremony
When you treat the cremation and the farewell as two separate events, you give your family space and choice. Instead of rushing to plan everything at once, loved ones can think carefully about how they want to say goodbye.
This might involve choosing a unique location, selecting a dress code that reflects the personality of the person who has died, or organising a gathering that feels more like a celebration of life. Having more time also allows friends and relatives to travel from afar, ensuring that everyone who wants to be present can be.
Most importantly, it gives people the chance to grieve first, then focus on creating a meaningful event when they feel more ready.
Planning a personal ceremony after cremation
One of the greatest advantages of direct cremation is flexibility. You can hold the ceremony whenever it feels right, whether weeks or even months after the cremation. This means travel arrangements can be made, venues can be chosen with care, and the event can be planned without the constraints of a crematorium schedule.
The ashes may also be present at the ceremony if the family wishes. This allows for a scattering, interment, or other symbolic act as part of the farewell.
Interment and scattering ceremonies
Interment means placing ashes in a permanent location such as a burial plot, a niche in a columbarium, or a vault. Some families prefer this option because it gives them a lasting place to visit. If you already have family graves, placing the ashes alongside loved ones can bring comfort and continuity.
Plots are often leased for a set number of years, though some churchyards and natural burial grounds sell them in perpetuity. It is worth checking the details before making a decision.
Scattering ashes is another popular option. In the UK, there are no strict legal restrictions, but permission is needed from landowners or local authorities. Many people choose to scatter ashes in a place that held meaning, such as a favourite beach, a mountain trail, or a garden.
Before scattering, it helps to think about whether the location is accessible for family visits and whether the environment will be respected.
Celebrations of life
More families are now moving away from funerals that focus only on death. A celebration of life places emphasis on the person who lived, their joys, their passions, and their relationships. Instead of sombre clothing and formal rituals, these events often involve colour, laughter, music, and shared stories.
Holding a ceremony after the cremation means you have time to shape an event that truly reflects your loved one. This could be as intimate as a meal at home with close family, or as large as a gathering in a hired hall with music and photos.
Memorial service ideas
There are countless ways to create a personal memorial. A few examples include:
- A nature walk or ramble in memory of someone who loved the outdoors
- A gathering for dog owners if your loved one adored their pets
- Planting a tree or creating a small garden in their honour
- Organising a music night featuring their favourite songs
- Hosting a fireworks display to celebrate their vibrant spirit
Memorials can take place days, weeks, or even years after the cremation. They offer flexibility and allow family and friends to express grief and love in their own time.
Online memorials and live-streamed ceremonies
The pandemic highlighted the value of technology in helping people connect. Even now, online memorials, video tributes, and live-streamed services remain popular. They make it possible for friends and relatives who live far away to take part, even if they cannot travel.
An online event may not replace the comfort of being together in person, but it can still provide connection, support, and shared remembrance. Some families also combine both, holding a smaller in-person gathering and streaming it so others can join from afar.
Finding the right balance
Ultimately, there is no single right way to arrange a cremation or ceremony. Some people want the structure and familiarity of a traditional service. Others prefer the freedom of direct cremation followed by a unique farewell. Both approaches are valid.
What matters is that the choice reflects the wishes of the person who has died and provides comfort for those left behind. By separating the cremation from the ceremony, you give yourself the gift of time, space, and possibility.
A funeral can be thought of in two parts: the cremation and the ceremony afterwards. Whether you choose a traditional service or a direct cremation followed by a personalised memorial, both offer dignity and respect.
More people are now choosing to create a farewell that feels authentic to their loved one’s life. It may be a quiet scattering of ashes, a joyful celebration, or something entirely different. By taking the time to consider your options, you can create a goodbye that honours the person you loved in the most meaningful way.
If thinking about these choices has made you consider your own wishes, planning ahead can bring real peace of mind. A funeral plan takes away uncertainty for your family and makes sure your farewell reflects what matters most to you.
At Pure Cremation, our friendly team is here to answer your questions and explain how a plan works. Whether you want something simple and dignified, or the freedom to create a more personal celebration later, we’ll guide you every step of the way.
You can call us free on 0800 470 23 93 or take a look at our helpful guide to funerals and funeral plans to learn more.
