When someone you love passes away, finding ways to honour their life and memory is an important step in the grieving process. Many choose to hold a funeral or memorial service as a meaningful gathering where family and friends can come together to remember, reflect, and say goodbye.
At Pure Cremation, we understand that traditional funerals may not always feel quite right for everyone. Some prefer a memorial service, which offers a different kind of space, one often more personal, flexible, and focused on celebrating the unique life that was lived. Whether held shortly after the death or even years later, a memorial service allows for remembrance on your terms, in your own time.
If you’re considering a memorial service or simply want to learn more about the options available, we will walk you through what to expect, how to plan, and give you ideas to make it a truly special occasion.
For a more detailed look at creating the perfect send-off, explore our guide with lots of ideas and inspiration.
What is a memorial service?
A memorial service is a ceremony held to honour and remember a loved one who has passed away. Unlike a funeral, a memorial service typically takes place without the body present and may be arranged separately from the burial or cremation.
This type of service is often more relaxed and can be tailored fully to reflect the personality, passions, and values of the person you’re remembering. It provides a comforting space for people to share stories, laugh, cry, and celebrate life in a way that feels right to them.
Many find that traditional funerals can feel formal or rushed. Memorial services allow more freedom, from the location to the tone, to who speaks and when, enabling a more personal tribute.
Because memorial services can be planned after the funeral or cremation, sometimes weeks or months later, they give families more time to prepare, gather distant friends and relatives, and consider exactly how they want to say goodbye.
Why choose a memorial service?
Choosing a memorial service over or in addition to a funeral offers several benefits:
- Flexibility: Memorials can happen anytime after death, even years later, allowing for thoughtful planning and inclusion of people who may not have been able to attend the funeral.
- Personalisation: With no fixed structure, you can design the service to reflect the deceased’s hobbies, passions, or personality, making it deeply meaningful.
- Informality: The atmosphere can be relaxed and uplifting, offering a chance to celebrate a life rather than focus solely on loss.
- Inclusivity: Memorial services can bring together a wide circle of friends, family, and community members to share memories and support each other.
- Accessibility: Because the body isn’t present, memorials can be held in more varied locations than traditional funerals.
Planning a memorial service
Planning any kind of farewell ceremony is an emotional task. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, especially in the early days following a loss. Breaking the process down into manageable steps can help bring clarity and ease.
Here are key things to consider when planning a memorial service:
1. The location
Think about places that were special to your loved one. It could be as simple as a family home or a community hall, or somewhere more unusual like a local park, museum, or even a favourite pub. Outdoor memorials are becoming increasingly popular, especially if the person loved nature.
2. The date and time
Choose a date that allows close friends and family to attend, which might mean scheduling on a weekend or a meaningful anniversary. Remember, there’s no rush; memorial services can be held months or even years after the funeral.
3. Who to invite
Consider your loved one’s circle of family, friends, neighbours, and colleagues. Some may prefer a very intimate gathering with only the closest family, while others might want a larger celebration including a broader community.
4. The style and tone
Decide whether the event will be formal or informal, religious or secular, celebratory or reflective. Your loved one’s beliefs, wishes, and personality can guide this choice.
5. The order of service
Plan what will happen during the service. This might include speeches, music, readings, moments of silence, or rituals meaningful to the deceased. You could have a close friend or family member lead it, a religious officiant, or a professional celebrant.
6. Personal touches
Incorporate photos, favourite music, video tributes, or a “memory table” with keepsakes and mementoes. You can invite guests to bring something that reminds them of the person or share stories.
Ideas to personalise a memorial service
The beauty of a memorial service is how much you can make it your own. Here are some meaningful ideas families have used to create a warm and memorable farewell:
Sharing stories and memories: Encourage guests to share anecdotes, funny, heartfelt, or touching, that celebrate the person’s life. This can be done informally during the event or through a “memory book” where guests write messages.
Meaningful readings and poems: Including poetry or readings that resonate with the deceased’s life and values adds depth and reflection. We have collections of funeral poems tailored for different relationships, such as funeral poems for dad and funeral poems for mum.
Music and songs: Music can powerfully evoke emotions. Choose songs that were favourites or that reflect the personality and spirit of your loved one. Live performances or recorded playlists both work beautifully.
Memory tables and displays: Create a table or display area with photographs, awards, favourite books, or items representing hobbies and passions. Guests can contribute and interact with these as part of the service.
Acts of remembrance: Lighting candles, planting a tree, releasing balloons or doves, or scattering ashes in a meaningful place are symbolic acts that can provide comfort and closure.
Different types of memorial services: Memorial services come in many forms. Below are some common options to inspire you:
Traditional memorial service: Often held in a religious venue or community hall, with an organised programme, readings, and speeches.
Celebration of life: A more informal, joyful gathering focused on celebrating the personality and legacy of the deceased. This might include music, food, and storytelling.
Outdoor memorial: Held in a park, garden, beach, or woodland, perfect for nature lovers and those wanting a peaceful, scenic setting.
Memorial reception or wake: A social event after the funeral or memorial, offering guests time to connect and share memories over food and drink.
Self-conducted memorial: If preferred, family or friends can lead the service themselves, creating a very personal and intimate occasion.
Budgeting for a memorial service
A meaningful memorial doesn’t have to be expensive. The value comes from the personal touches and shared memories rather than cost. Consider:
- Inviting guests to contribute items for memory tables or food
- Choosing a free or low-cost venue like a home or a park
- Using homemade invitations or digital invites to save money
- Including DIY decorations inspired by the deceased’s interests
At Pure Cremation, we often hear that simplicity and thoughtfulness create the most memorable and heartfelt farewells.
Examples of memorial services
To help you picture what a memorial service could look like, here are some real-life examples:
Vintage afternoon tea
A family whose mum was an avid WI member held a tea party featuring her collection of vintage tea sets, home-baked cakes, and flowers she loved. The grandchildren created decorations, making it fun, informal, and full of personal touches.
Saturday service for distant family
When family members were spread across the country, a Saturday memorial allowed everyone to attend. The urn was displayed in a floral bower, and a favourite photo was enlarged and placed on an easel. It was a warm, inclusive service where everyone felt involved.
Memorial ramble in the hills
For a loved one who loved hiking, friends and family carried a small portion of ashes to a mountain peak, toasted his memory with his favourite whisky, and left the ashes in a hidden crevice marked with an engraved stone.
Doggy delight picnic
A dog-loving family organised a ‘doggy-lympics’ and picnic at a beach they frequented, bringing together four-legged friends and humans alike to celebrate a joyful life full of laughter.
Quiet reflection at home
Some prefer quiet and intimate goodbyes. One family lit candles and played favourite music at home on the day of the cremation, each member saying goodbye in their own way.
Memorial service planning checklist
To help keep track, here’s a simple checklist for your memorial service planning:
General planning:
- Loved one’s wishes (if known)
- Type of event (memorial, celebration of life, reception)
- Venue and date/time
- Host or officiant arrangement
- Guest list
Personal touches:
- Theme or decor reflecting passions or hobbies
- Order of service or programme creation
- Readings, poems, music selections
- Memory table or display items
- Acts of remembrance or rituals
After the service:
- Thank-you notes or messages
- Sharing photos or videos with guests
- Creating keepsakes from the service (memory books, recordings)
A memorial service offers a deeply personal way to remember and celebrate a loved one’s life. It can be as simple or as elaborate as feels right for you and your loved one. Whether you choose a traditional gathering or a unique celebration of life, the important thing is that it brings comfort and connection during a difficult time.
