When someone you love dies, you may want to find a way to honour their life and share the news of their passing. Writing an obituary can help you do that. It is both an announcement and a celebration, offering others a glimpse into who that person was and what they meant to those around them. Some people also choose to write their own obituary, either as part of planning their farewell or as a reflection on their life so far.
An obituary is not something you are legally required to write, but it can be an important part of saying goodbye. It helps others learn about the death, provides space to share details about the funeral or memorial, and preserves the memory of a life that mattered.
In this article, we will look at what an obituary is, how it differs from a death notice, and the key steps to writing one. We will also explore how to make it personal, meaningful, and respectful. If you would like more support or inspiration while you write, you can use A Fine Farewell, our free send-off planner that gently guides you through creating an obituary or planning a farewell.
Why you might choose to write an obituary
Writing an obituary can feel like a simple act, but it serves several important purposes.
It tells people that someone has died. This is especially helpful for friends, neighbours, colleagues, or members of a community who might not otherwise hear the news.
It helps you share practical information about funeral or memorial arrangements. When someone dies, people often want to know when and where they can pay their respects, send flowers, or offer support to the family.
It becomes part of the public record. Many people take comfort in knowing that their loved one’s life will be remembered in print or online for others to read in years to come.
And perhaps most importantly, it honours the person who has died. It allows you to share the highlights of their life, their character, and the impact they had on others.
Writing an obituary is not only a way of informing others about a death, but also a way of beginning to process your own feelings of loss. Putting a life into words can help you focus on what made that person special and why they will always be remembered.
How an obituary differs from a death notice
Many people use the terms “obituary” and “death notice” as if they mean the same thing, but there are important differences.
A death notice is usually short and factual. It lists the person’s name, age, date of birth, date of death, and sometimes the location of the funeral or cremation. Its main purpose is to make a formal announcement that someone has died.
An obituary includes these same details but goes further. It tells the story of a person’s life, describing their background, family, work, interests, and personality. It might include a few reflections on how they will be remembered or the values they lived by. In other words, a death notice is a statement, but an obituary is a story.
Preparing to write an obituary
Writing an obituary can feel like a big responsibility, especially when emotions are still raw. It helps to begin by thinking about what you want to say and who you are writing for.
You may be writing on behalf of the family, or perhaps as a close friend. Either way, your goal is to capture the essence of the person in a way that feels truthful and kind. Before you start writing, take time to gather the information you need.
Talk to relatives and friends and ask them to share memories. You might ask what they admired most about the person, or what made them laugh. Think about their passions, their work, and their everyday habits that made them unique. Sometimes it is the small details that make the most vivid impression.
You could also look back at old photographs, letters, or social media posts for inspiration. These can remind you of the different parts of their life, from childhood to adulthood, and help you find the right words.
Step 1: Decide where the obituary will appear
Traditionally, obituaries were published in local newspapers. For well-known individuals, they might appear in a regional or national paper. Today, many people also publish them online, either through newspaper websites or through digital memorial pages.
An online obituary can be shared easily with people who live far away, and it often allows for longer text, photographs, and even messages from others. Some families choose to create a dedicated memorial website that can be updated over time. Others prefer a printed version that can be kept and treasured.
Whatever you choose, think about who you want to reach and what kind of space feels right for your message.
Step 2: Include the essential information
Every obituary should include a few key details. These help readers understand who has died and when, and they create a clear and respectful record of their life.
Start with the person’s full name, including any nicknames or maiden names if relevant. Include their age, date of birth, and date of death. Mention where they were born and where they lived most recently.
You might then write a short paragraph about their life. This could include their education, career, family, and achievements, along with hobbies or community involvement. Keep it balanced. You do not need to list everything, only the details that feel most meaningful and that help others picture who they were.
If you wish, you can include a list of surviving family members, such as a partner, children, or siblings, as well as those who died before them. This helps readers understand the person’s family connections.
Finally, include practical details about the funeral or memorial service if you want others to attend. Mention the date, time, and location, or simply say that the service will be private if that is the family’s wish.
Step 3: Capture their personality
The most memorable obituaries are those that feel personal. Facts are important, but it is the voice of the person that shines through in the small details.
Think about how you can express what made them special. Were they known for their kindness, their creativity, or their sense of humour? Did they have a favourite saying or a habit that always made people smile? These are the touches that make an obituary feel alive and heartfelt.
You might also include a short message or quotation that reflects their outlook on life. This could be a favourite poem, a few lines from a song, or even a personal motto. It does not have to be formal or grand. What matters most is that it feels true to who they were.
When writing about someone you love, you may find emotions rising unexpectedly. That is normal. Take breaks when you need to, and remember that it is not about perfection. It is about love and remembrance.
Step 4: Keep it clear and respectful
Grief can make concentration difficult, so once you have written your obituary, take time to review it carefully. Read it aloud to yourself. Make sure names, dates, and places are accurate.
You may want to ask another family member or close friend to read it too. They might remember an important detail you forgot or help you find a phrase that sounds more natural.
Try to write in a tone that feels calm and sincere. Avoid overly formal language unless it suits the person’s character. The best obituaries are written from the heart, in plain, honest words.
Step 5: Understand the costs of publishing
The cost of publishing an obituary can vary depending on where and how you choose to share it. Local newspapers often charge between fifty and three hundred pounds, depending on the length of the text and the days you want it to appear. A longer tribute in a national paper could cost several hundred pounds or more.
Online publication is often less expensive. Some websites offer free obituary listings, while others charge a small fee for hosting or for additional features such as photo galleries or guestbooks.
It can help to plan ahead and include this cost in your funeral budget. That way, your family can focus on writing something meaningful rather than worrying about expenses.
Writing your own obituary
More people are choosing to write their own obituary while they are still alive and well. It might sound unusual, but it can be an empowering and reflective process. It allows you to decide how you want to be remembered and what parts of your story you would like to share.
You can write about your values, your family, your achievements, or the lessons you have learned. Some people also include a message of love or advice for the people they leave behind.
Writing your own obituary does not have to be a solemn task. It can be an opportunity to look back with gratitude and to make sure your story is told in your own words.
Beyond the obituary: Writing a eulogy
An obituary is usually a written announcement, while a eulogy is something spoken aloud at a funeral or memorial service. Both are ways to honour a life, but they serve slightly different purposes.
An obituary records the essential facts and captures the essence of the person for the public to read. A eulogy is a more personal tribute, shared directly with family and friends, and often includes stories, reflections, and expressions of love.
If you are responsible for both, you can think of the obituary as the summary and the eulogy as the story told from the heart.
Taking care of yourself while you write
Writing about someone who has died can stir up powerful emotions. Be kind to yourself during the process. You might find that certain memories make you laugh or cry. Both are natural.
Take breaks if it becomes too much, and remember that it is okay to ask for help. You could ask another family member to write a section or use notes from several people to create a single piece. Grieving and writing do not follow a set timetable. Allow the process to unfold gently.
Writing an obituary is both an act of love and a practical task. It lets the world know that someone has died and invites others to remember them. It also gives you a way to express your feelings and reflect on their life in a lasting way.
There is no right or wrong way to write an obituary. It can be short and simple or longer and more detailed. What matters most is that it feels true to the person you are remembering.
