If you ever find yourself arranging a funeral for a loved one, you may be asked to write or deliver a eulogy. This is one of the most personal and significant parts of any farewell. A eulogy is not only a way of saying goodbye, but it is also an opportunity to help everyone present reflect on the person’s life and the difference they made.
Writing a eulogy can feel daunting. The emotions of grief, the responsibility of representing someone’s life, and the pressure of speaking in front of others can make the task seem overwhelming. Yet it is also an incredible gift. A well-crafted eulogy can bring comfort, spark memories, and honour the person in a way that lasts long after the funeral itself.
This article offers clear, supportive advice on how to approach writing and giving a eulogy, whether you are preparing to speak at a funeral, a memorial service, or a celebration of life.
And if you need help arranging a service, try our free send-off planner, A Fine Farewell. We've created it to help you plan a meaningful and personal goodbye.
What is a eulogy?
The word “eulogy” comes from ancient Greek, meaning “words of praise.” The tradition began thousands of years ago and has continued in different forms across cultures and religions. Not every community includes a eulogy in their rituals, but in the UK, it has become a familiar and valued part of many funerals.
At its heart, a eulogy is a speech that reflects on the life of the person who has died. It might share their achievements, personal qualities, favourite stories, and the relationships that mattered most to them. It is sometimes called a funeral tribute.
Being asked to write or deliver a eulogy is both a privilege and a responsibility. It shows that you were an important part of that person’s life, or that their family trusts you to speak on behalf of everyone. Every eulogy is different because every life is unique, and the most important thing is that your words come from the heart.
A good eulogy does not simply list events or dates. Instead, it highlights the ways the person shaped the lives of those around them, leaving a legacy of love, friendship, or inspiration.
Who usually gives a eulogy?
The choice of who delivers a eulogy depends on the type of funeral and the wishes of the family. Sometimes a celebrant, minister, or humanist officiant will write and present the eulogy after gathering stories and memories from relatives. This can be a helpful option if the family feels too emotional to speak themselves.
However, many families prefer to speak in their own words. A child might give a eulogy for a parent, a partner might write about their spouse, or a sibling may want to share their memories. Close friends can also take on this role, particularly if they shared a special bond with the person.
It is also common for family members to write the eulogy together, then nominate one person to deliver it. If someone feels unable to speak on the day, the words can always be read by a celebrant or another relative. What matters most is that the tribute is true to the life being honoured.
How long should a eulogy be?
Funerals held in crematoria are usually time-limited. Services often last between 20 and 40 minutes, and the eulogy is only one part of the ceremony. In this setting, a eulogy should typically last around five to eight minutes when spoken aloud. That translates to roughly 500 to 1,000 words.
At a memorial service or celebration of life where time is more flexible, the tribute may be longer and more informal. You might include more detailed stories, invite several people to contribute, or combine words with music, readings, or photographs.
The length of a eulogy matters less than its content. A short but heartfelt speech is often more powerful than a long and detailed account. The aim is to capture the essence of the person and leave listeners with a sense of their character, values, and impact.
How to start writing a eulogy
Beginning can feel like the hardest part. Try starting with a quiet moment to reflect on your relationship with the person. What stands out most when you think about them? Is it their kindness, their humour, their determination, or the way they made others feel?
Next, speak with family and friends. Gather memories, favourite anecdotes, or particular phrases they used to say. These conversations not only provide material for your speech, they also remind everyone of the connections they share. Social media and online tributes can also reveal perspectives from colleagues or wider community members who were touched by the person’s life.
You do not need to include everything. Focus on the most meaningful themes and stories, and let them guide the structure of your eulogy.
What to include in a eulogy
The most memorable eulogies paint a portrait of the person, balancing key facts with personal insights. Some of the elements you might want to cover include:
- Milestones such as education, career, or major achievements
- Personality traits and qualities that made them special
- Memorable stories or funny anecdotes
- Important relationships with family and friends
- Hobbies, passions, or causes they cared about
- A reflection on their values or the legacy they leave behind
You might find it helpful to create a rough timeline of their life and then weave in personal stories. Or you might prefer to organise the eulogy around themes such as family, work, and community. There is no single right way, only the way that feels natural to you.
How to begin a eulogy
A clear introduction helps listeners settle and understand your connection to the person. Start by saying who you are and how you knew them. If you are a close relative, it is kind to thank those who have come, particularly if they have travelled far. If you are a friend, you might want to offer condolences to the family before beginning.
After the introduction, move gently into your main stories or reflections. If you have gathered more material than time allows, you can let people know that you are sharing just a brief summary. Some families choose to make the full version available afterwards in a printed keepsake or online tribute.
How to end a eulogy
The ending is just as important as the beginning. It leaves people with a lasting impression and helps provide a sense of closure. How you close the eulogy will depend on the tone of your speech and the personality of the person being remembered.
You might end with an uplifting message that reflects their outlook on life, or with a favourite saying they often used. Some people like to quote poetry, a passage from a book, or even a line from a much-loved film. Others prefer a simple farewell, such as expressing gratitude for the time you shared.
The most powerful endings often feel as though the person themselves is speaking through your words, offering comfort or encouragement to those listening.
Tips for delivering a eulogy
Standing up to speak at a funeral can be intimidating. Here are some ways to help yourself feel prepared and supported:
- Practice beforehand. Read the eulogy aloud, ideally several times, and time it. Practising in front of a trusted friend can help with confidence and ensure any humour comes across as intended.
- Prepare a backup. Ask someone you trust to be ready to step in if you find it too difficult on the day. Knowing this safety net exists can help you relax.
- Use a conversational tone. Even if you read directly from your notes, aim to speak as if you are talking with friends.
- Print your speech clearly. Large, easy-to-read text will be easier to follow than handwritten notes.
- Take your time. Nerves often make people speak quickly. Pause for breath, make eye contact, and allow emotion to be part of the moment.
- Accept your feelings. It is natural to become emotional. A short pause or a deep breath can help you continue. Listeners will understand.
- Consider visual elements. Some families choose to complement the spoken eulogy with a slideshow of photos or recorded memories. This can involve younger relatives and create a lasting tribute that can be shared afterwards.
Inspiration from famous eulogies
Hearing or reading well-known eulogies can provide guidance on tone, structure, and emotional impact. Some widely admired examples include:
- Eulogy for Princess Diana by Earl Spencer
- Eulogy for Steve Irwin by Bindi Irwin
- Eulogy for Steve Jobs by Mona Simpson
- Eulogy for The Rev. Mychal Judge by The Rev. Michael Duffy
- Eulogy for the Crew of the Space Shuttle Challenger by Ronald Reagan
- Eulogy for Rosa Parks for Oprah Winfrey
Each of these speeches reflects the personality of the person being honoured while offering comfort to those left behind. They show that a eulogy can be moving, inspiring, and deeply personal, even when shared with the world.
Other meaningful ways to pay tribute
A eulogy is one of many ways to celebrate a life. Some families choose to add further personal touches, either at the funeral or afterwards. These can include:
- Holding a memorial service where people gather to share memories
- Organising a scattering of ashes in a place that was meaningful to the person
- Creating a lasting memorial, such as a bench, tree, or garden
- Publishing a poem or verse in a newspaper
- Building an online memorial space where photos, videos, and stories can be collected and shared
These gestures, whether simple or elaborate, give you opportunities to reflect on a loved one’s life and keep their memory alive.
Writing a eulogy is an act of love. It is not about creating the perfect speech or impressing an audience, but about speaking honestly and warmly about someone who mattered deeply. If you approach the task with sincerity, even a few simple words can provide comfort and capture the essence of the person’s life.
Remember that you do not have to do this alone. Family and friends can help with stories and support, and celebrants can guide you through the process if needed. Most importantly, allow yourself to speak from the heart.
