Funerals are often moments of reflection; times when we pause to honour a life, share memories, and find comfort in being together. Every tradition has its own way of doing this, shaped by beliefs, history, and community values.
For Quakers, or members of the Religious Society of Friends, funerals are rooted in simplicity, silence, and space for personal reflection. They look and feel very different from more traditional Christian funerals, but they have the same intention: to give thanks for a life and to find strength in the presence of others and, for many, in the presence of God.
In this article, we’ll explain what you can expect at a Quaker funeral, the beliefs that shape it, and how you can take part respectfully, even if you’ve never attended one before.
What is Quakerism?
Quakerism is the more common name for the Religious Society of Friends, a Christian movement that began in 17th-century England. It was founded by George Fox, who, along with his followers, felt that the established church did not allow for a truly personal connection with God.
At the heart of Quaker belief is the idea that each person can experience the “inner light of God” directly. This means Quakers don’t rely on priests or elaborate rituals to guide their faith. Instead, they come together in stillness, allowing space for reflection, prayer, or spoken ministry when someone feels moved to share.
Quakerism is guided by what are known as the testimonies, which are principles that shape how Friends live their lives:
- Simplicity
- Peace
- Integrity
- Community
- Equality
- Stewardship/Sustainability
These values naturally influence the way Quakers approach both life and death.
Quaker beliefs about death
Unlike many Christian denominations, Quakers do not have a single, fixed belief about what happens after death. Some may see death as a transition to a new spiritual life, while others may view it as the end of existence, with comfort found in the legacy of love and memories left behind.
What is shared, however, is the understanding that funerals are for the living. They are an opportunity to support the bereaved, to reflect on the life of the person who has died, and to take strength from the stillness of community.
Practical preparation is also important. Quakers often encourage one another to plan ahead by making a will, recording funeral wishes, and ensuring that their families won’t be left with uncertainty or worry at an already difficult time.
Cremation and burial are both accepted, with no specific religious requirement for one over the other.
What happens at a Quaker funeral?
A Quaker funeral, sometimes called a meeting for worship to mark a death, has a very distinctive character. The focus is on simplicity, stillness, and space for reflection.
Here’s what typically happens:
- Gathering in silence: The funeral usually begins as friends and family take their seats, often in a circle or simple arrangement. An elder, or sometimes another member of the meeting, may open with a few words to explain the format, especially if guests are unfamiliar with Quaker practices.
- Meeting for worship: The majority of the funeral takes place in silence. This is not an empty silence, but a shared stillness where people reflect, pray, or remember the person who has died. It is a time for inward connection and collective presence.
- Spoken ministry: Anyone present may feel moved to speak. This could be a personal memory, a reflection on the person’s life, a prayer, a passage from scripture, or even a poem. Contributions are not planned in advance, and there is usually a pause of quiet between speakers to allow everyone to absorb what has been shared.
- The close of the meeting: When the silence draws to an end, an elder will signal the conclusion, often by shaking hands with another Friend. At this point, all present may also shake hands, symbolising unity and shared support.
- The practical elements: If a coffin is present, this is the moment it may be withdrawn, or the meeting may take place graveside or at a crematorium. Quaker funerals can be adapted to the family’s wishes while still keeping the emphasis on stillness and simplicity.
Unlike many Christian funerals, Quaker services rarely include hymns or music, though some families may choose to incorporate readings or music before or after the main meeting for worship.
Do Quakers prefer cremation or burial?
Both cremation and burial are equally acceptable to Quakers, and the choice is left to the individual or their family. Many Friends choose cremation, as do many people in the wider UK population.
What matters most is that the decision reflects the wishes and values of the person who has died, and that it is carried out with dignity and respect.
What should you wear to a Quaker funeral?
Quaker values of simplicity and humility extend to funeral attire. There is no formal dress code, and mourners are not expected to wear black.
The most appropriate choice is clothing that is simple, respectful, and understated. A suit is not necessary, and bright or flashy outfits would feel out of place. Instead, think in terms of neat, neutral, or subdued colours that do not draw attention.
This is not about suppressing individuality, but about honouring the quiet, reflective atmosphere of the occasion.
Quaker funeral etiquette
If you are attending a Quaker funeral for the first time, you may be unsure how best to take part. The key things to remember are:
- Silence is central. The stillness of a Quaker meeting is a form of worship in itself. Respect the silence and avoid whispering or fidgeting.
- Anyone may share words, but it is not expected. If you do speak, keep it sincere and heartfelt.
- Flowers are uncommon. Instead, families often request charitable donations in memory of the person. If no charity is specified, a donation to the local Quaker meeting may be welcomed.
- Sustainability matters. In keeping with Quaker values, elaborate displays or unnecessary decoration are usually avoided.
- Pause between contributions. If you do speak, allow a moment of silence afterwards before someone else speaks.
Above all, approach the funeral with openness and respect. You do not need to be Quaker, or even religious, to find comfort and meaning in the stillness.
What happens after a Quaker funeral?
Unlike some religious traditions, there are no specific customs that must be followed in a Quaker funeral. What happens afterwards is shaped by the wishes of the family.
Some may choose to hold a funeral reception or wake, giving friends and relatives more time to share memories and support each other. Others may prefer a quiet gathering at home.
What remains consistent is the Quaker understanding that funerals are for the living. Their purpose is not only to honour the dead but to help those left behind find strength, comfort, and love in one another.
In some cases, a family may choose not to have a Quaker funeral at all. Instead, a memorial meeting may be arranged at a later date in a Quaker meeting house, providing space for reflection when the time feels right.
Different funeral rites across the UK
The UK is home to a wide range of faiths and traditions, each with its own way of marking death. Some people take great comfort in the structure and rituals of their religion. Others prefer a more personal approach, without formal rules.
In fact, UK law only requires that someone’s remains are disposed of respectfully and legally, by burial or cremation. There is no legal requirement to have a ceremony, nor are there rules about what that ceremony should include.
This means every family can shape a funeral in the way that feels most authentic to them, whether that is a traditional religious service, a Quaker meeting for worship, a humanist ceremony, or something entirely unique.
If you are planning a farewell, we have a useful guide on creating a personal send-off.
