Quakers are a denomination of Christianity who were formerly known as the Religious Society of Friends. Quaker funerals are quite different from Christian funerals and traditionally, they are very simple ceremonies that combine the rite of honouring the life of the loved one who died with a celebration of the presence of God.
Quaker funerals tend to be very quiet events during which people focus on giving thanks and quiet reflection. Usually, there is no formal order of service. Instead, guests generally spend their time silently remembering the person who has died. During the funeral, anyone can speak if they want to.
What is Quakerism?
Quakerism is the name commonly used for the Religious Society of Friends. It is a denomination of Christianity that was founded in 17th-century England by George Fox.
He decided to found the Religious Society of Friends because he and his followers were unhappy with the conditions of the Church. It was their belief that people have their own experience of the ‘inner light of God’ so priests were unnecessary.
There are four principal Quaker values, called testimonies:
- Equality and justice
- Peace
- Truth and integrity
- Simplicity and sustainability
Quakers refer to each other as Friends. When Quaker meetings are held, they are led by two elders and the focus is on finding God in ‘stillness’ rather than a formal style of worship.
Quaker beliefs about death
When it comes to what happens after we die, Quakers have no specific beliefs. Instead, the hope is that the spirit lives on in the family and friends that are left behind.
Quakers do, however, believe that it’s important to prepare for their death. This is done by writing a Will and recording their funeral wishes so that things are easier for their families after they die.
The Quaker community also provides support for bereaved families and friends after a funeral. There are no specific burial customs and cremation is acceptable.
What happens at a Quaker funeral
The emphasis of a Quaker funeral is on ‘simplicity and stillness.’
It usually starts with an introduction from a Friend, generally an elder. They explain what happens for any mourners who are unfamiliar with Quaker traditions.
Anyone can choose to speak or say something about their loved one who has died. They might also choose to break the silence with a prayer, reading from the Bible, reciting funeral poems, or sharing memories of the person. Generally, Quakers choose not to sing funeral hymns.
When the funeral ends, one of the Friends responsible for the funeral signals that the coffin should be withdrawn. They will then shake hands with the other elders. Finally, all the mourners shake hands with each other.
A Quaker funeral can take place in Quaker meeting houses, a crematorium, or any other venue, depending on preferences. It can also take place at the graveside.
Do Quakers prefer cremation?
There are no religious criteria for interment, so when it comes to the question of cremation vs. burial, either is appropriate. That being said, like the general population, many Quakers choose cremation.
What is the etiquette for a Quaker funeral?
Funeral etiquette is something that plays an important part in all types of funerals. For a Quaker funeral, flowers are not commonly sent. Monetary donations are often given in lieu of flowers. If no organisation is suggested in an obituary, a memorial gift to the person’s meeting location could be appropriate.
Sustainability is something that Quakers value so flower arrangements and excessive décor are uncommon.
If you’re wondering what to wear to a Quaker funeral, there is no specific dress code. Something simple and understated would be most appropriate. It’s not common for funeral guests to wear formal clothes. You don’t need to wear black either.
One of the most important aspects of the etiquette for a Quaker funeral is to respect the silence and stillness. It is also common to have a brief pause between any contributions.
Most Quaker funerals are for Friends who are part of a particular community. However, anyone can attend a Quaker meeting at any time and can also express a wish for a Quaker funeral. If a Friend chooses not to have a Quaker funeral, for whatever reason, later memorial meetings may be held at the Quaker Meeting Hall.
What happens after a Quaker funeral
It is down to the family to decide what happens after a Quaker funeral service. There are no traditions to follow so they could choose to have a wake or funeral reception.
It is the belief of Quakers that funerals are for the living. The purpose of a Quaker funeral is to support the bereaved family and friends. They do this by expressing love for the person who has died in whatever way suits them.
Different funeral rites across the UK
The UK population encompasses many different religions and beliefs, which in turn shape different approaches to death and funerals. Some people will find familiar religious and cultural beliefs offer a comforting structure for funeral services, but others will find this limiting and restricting.
In UK law the only requirement for a funeral is to dispose of the physical remains in a respectful and legal way i.e. cremation or burial. There is no requirement to have a funeral ceremony at all, and there are no rules about what a funeral ceremony should look like, who should lead it, where it should be held or when.
Discover more about the death rituals practised in the UK today.
