Funerals aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but for some reason, we seem to believe they are essential. What can you do if you don’t like the idea of a funeral and don’t want one for yourself? Perhaps you’re struggling to decide what to do for someone you love and found yourself asking, “Do you have to have a funeral?"
In recent years, people in the UK have changed their attitudes to what happens after death. Now you find yourself faced with more options than ever before. In this article, we’re going to take you through some of the most common.
Do you have to have a funeral by law?
Wondering what to do when someone dies is not uncommon. Having to deal with a loved one’s death isn’t a common experience for most, so you’re bound to feel overwhelmed and bewildered.
No law specifies you have to have a funeral, but it does state that you must “dispose of the body of the person who has died by burial, cremation, or any other means.”
It’s usually a close family member or the executor of your will that has to organise the event.
Who chooses not to have a funeral?
In the UK, funeral preferences are changing. In fact, the SunLife 2024 report shows that 20% of cremations in 2023 were direct, and they expect that number to rise in the upcoming years. But who are the people choosing to skip a standard funeral?
The first thing to note here is that there is no specific type of person that chooses not to have a funeral. While in the past, this may have been associated with those avoiding religious ceremonies, it’s clear that this more modern approach is popular with those from all walks of life.
For Booker Prize-winning author Anita Brookner, a traditional send-off was not on the cards. Her death notice in the Times simply stated: “At Anita’s request, there will be no funeral.”
Global icon David Bowie also chose a direct cremation, telling family and friends he wanted to “go without any fuss”, instead letting them focus on their shared memories of his life at a memorial gathering in Bali, held a few months later.
No funeral options
There are many reasons for not wanting a funeral. You might not want a traditional service, in which case there are plenty of alternatives.
You might prefer not to have a big fuss, in which case you can choose direct cremation. With direct cremation, you have the option of holding a memorial service or celebration of life a few months or even a year later.
Some people are worried about the amount of money it will cost. In this case, why not have a funeral while you’re still alive and consider a living funeral.
No funeral, just cremation
A direct cremation is a simple, no-frills option without the fuss, cost or proscribed formula of a traditional send-off. It also allows family and friends time to grieve before arranging a public or private event.
Co-founder Catherine Powell puts it perfectly, saying “it allows the later remembrance to be more personalised and planned. Often there’s too little time for key relatives and friends to get to a funeral, instead a direct cremation gives you all the time you want to prepare the perfect send-off while taking care of the practicalities without delay. It offers much more flexibility.”
No funeral, just burial
A direct burial is very similar to direct cremation and an excellent alternative to a traditional funeral for someone who dislikes fuss and attention and would prefer a more low-key send-off. Many registered cemeteries offer a direct burial option. A person’s body is interred without any religious ceremony or service to mark their passing. There is no funeral, just the burial.
There is no viewing, visitation, or wake ceremony. The coffin or casket is usually very simple and basic, as is the transport. The body is not embalmed and is generally taken straight from where they died to the burial site.
Relatives may be allowed to be present at the gravesite during the burial. A short and simple graveside service can be arranged if the family wants it.
The benefits of this type of direct funeral are that it saves a considerable amount of money, but it also offers flexibility. Families are given the time to prepare a send-off that is most fitting for their loved ones.
Body donation
If you choose to donate your body to science via organisations such as Science Care, your body will be cremated as part of a no-cost program. No mourners are present, and the cremated remains are returned to the family within a few weeks. At this time, the family can choose to hold a memorial service or celebration of life.
What families do when there is no funeral
If the family decides they don’t want to have a funeral or the deceased has requested such an arrangement, there are several alternatives. One increasingly common preference is separating the funeral into two halves. The burial or cremation takes place without a lot of fuss, and families organise a memorial service for family and friends afterwards.
Let’s look at some of the other options.
Non-traditional funeral services
In the past, most funerals would have a traditional religious service, mourners would be dressed in dark colours, and there would be a standard order of service. People are now beginning to opt for more non-traditional funeral options.
Alternative funerals in the UK include:
- Family-led funerals: With this type of funeral service, the family gets to arrange a service that truly reflects their loved one. Family and friends of the deceased get to organise the funeral in whichever way suits them best. They get to decide about the service and funeral arrangements and make arrangements for a memorial of their loved one.
- Humanist funerals: A humanist funeral is a non-religious funeral ceremony that celebrates your loved one’s life. At the same time, it recognises the grief family and friends may be going through. It is often a very personal affair, and the focus of the ceremony is often a tribute section that lasts around 15 minutes. There might also be music and non-religious readings, but no funeral hymns or bible readings. This type of ceremony is often led by a humanist celebrant, family member, or close friend.
- Woodland burial: There are many natural burial sites in the UK, making a woodland burial an increasingly popular alternative. If you or your loved one have a particular interest in protecting the natural environment or enjoyed spending time in nature, this is an option that might suit you.
- DIY funerals: A DIY or Do-it-Yourself funeral is a way of arranging a religious or non-religious funeral for your loved one without a funeral director’s assistance. There is a lot of organising involved, but it does give you the freedom to create a highly personalised ceremony for your loved one.
Unique memorial services
One very personal way of saying goodbye is to organise a memorial service. This event takes place weeks or months later and can be a more celebratory event such as a summer beach party or function at a golf club.
Often there is no time for some relatives or friends to get to the funeral, so a memorial service gives them a chance to attend something when it takes place at a better time. A memorial service is also a good option when a loved one has died and been buried overseas.
Scattering the ashes ceremonies
When you’ve lost a loved one, there are many different ways you can remember them. If you’ve chosen cremation there is a wide range of creative, memorable, unique, formal, and personal things you can do with their ashes.
Scattering their ashes somewhere meaningful and holding a ceremony as part of the occasion is one option. In the UK, there are no prohibitive laws relating to the scattering of ashes. As long as you have the landowner’s permission, you are entirely within your rights to scatter your loved one’s ashes over land or water.
Living funerals
It is traditional for funerals to take place after death. They might have been planned during the deceased's lifetime, but the actual ceremony typically occurs after their departure.
On the other hand, a living funeral is a religious or non-religious celebration focused on someone who is still alive. A well-planned living funeral is an excellent opportunity for someone who is approaching death to plan, control, and attend an event. A living funeral is a way of attending your own funeral and saying goodbye to the people you love in a positive way.
Living funerals are usually held close to the end of a person’s life. Some families choose to arrange them for a loved one suffering from a terminal illness, but they are well enough to take part in the event honouring them.
Requesting no funeral service in the UK
If you’ve decided that you personally don’t want a traditional funeral, it’s important to have a conversation with your family and friends about it. Talk about your funeral wishes, explaining what you want and what that means to you. Such a discussion will help them understand your choice.
When you’re planning your own funeral, it’s also a good idea to document your funeral wishes somewhere your family will be able to find them after you’ve gone or include them in your will. You could also share your funeral wishes or take out a funeral plan.
If you already know what you want and are ready to start making arrangements for your own funeral, you can create a Living Will. It is free, and you can draw up your own documents free of cost.