For a long time, death has been something we’ve tended to talk around rather than talk about. Many of us were brought up believing it was impolite, frightening, or even tempting fate to speak openly about dying. Funerals, too, followed a familiar pattern, often being religious, formal, and arranged after someone had already gone, leaving little room for personal choice.
That’s starting to change.
Today, more people are choosing to think and talk about the end of life in a different way. They’re asking questions about how they want to be remembered, how they want their loved ones to feel, and what really matters when time becomes precious. Alongside this shift, funerals themselves are evolving.
Fewer people are choosing traditional religious services. Instead, many are opting for a non-religious celebration of life, an eco-friendly farewell, or something that reflects who they are rather than what’s expected. And for some, this change goes one step further.
A growing number of people are choosing to attend their own farewell, through what’s known as a living funeral.
It may sound unfamiliar at first, or even confronting. But for those who choose it, a living funeral can be a deeply meaningful way to celebrate life, share gratitude, and say goodbye while words can still be exchanged.
What is a living funeral?
A living funeral is a gathering held while a person is still alive, usually – though not always – when they know they are approaching the end of their life. Rather than being a service of mourning, it’s a celebration of life, centred on connection, reflection, and shared memories.
You might also hear living funerals referred to as a living wake, pre-funeral, living tribute, friendship service, or send-off. While the names vary, the intention is similar: to honour a life while the person being celebrated can still be part of it.
A living funeral can take many forms. It might resemble a traditional funeral, with speeches and music, or it might look more like a party, an afternoon tea, a picnic, or a quiet gathering at home. There’s no single structure, no set script, and no expectation to follow tradition unless it feels right.
In some cultures, living funerals are not linked to illness or dying at all. In Japan, where living funerals are known as seizenso, they have been practised since the mid-1990s and are sometimes held as a way of reflecting on life and relationships, even by people in good health. Participants often describe the experience as life-affirming – a reminder to live more consciously and appreciate the connections that matter most.
In the UK, living funerals are still relatively uncommon, but awareness is growing as people look for more personal, honest ways to mark the end of life.
Why do some people choose a living funeral?
There are many reasons someone might choose a living funeral, and no two motivations are exactly the same. For some, the decision is practical. For others, it’s deeply emotional. Often, it’s a mixture of both.
One of the most commonly cited reasons is the chance to hear what people might otherwise say too late. At many funerals, tributes are full of love, gratitude, and admiration – words that the person at the centre never gets to hear. A living funeral changes that. It allows someone to listen, respond, and feel held by the people they care about.
For others, it’s about saying goodbye in their own words. Not through a will, or second-hand through a celebrant, but face-to-face. That can be incredibly powerful, especially when time feels uncertain.
Living funerals can also help shift the emotional tone of a farewell. They don’t have to be sombre or heavy. Many people see them as a chance to bring lightness, humour, and honesty into a moment that might otherwise feel overshadowed by sadness. It can be reassuring for loved ones to hear someone say, clearly and calmly, that it’s okay to carry on living and remembering without guilt.
There’s also a sense of control that comes with planning your own living funeral. For people facing serious illness, that sense of agency can be comforting. Choosing the setting, the music, the people involved – and then being present for it – can feel grounding at a time when so much else feels out of their hands.
For some families, a living funeral also helps ease what comes later. It can reduce uncertainty, unspoken regrets, or unresolved tensions. Sometimes it creates space for forgiveness, honesty, or simply saying things that have been left unsaid for too long.
Living funerals and end-of-life planning
Living funerals often form part of wider end-of-life planning. Thinking ahead about medical care, funeral wishes, and practical arrangements can feel daunting, but for many people, it brings peace of mind.
Planning a living funeral can be part of that process. It allows you to shape how you’re remembered, but also to support the people you love. Rather than leaving everything to be decided in the midst of grief, you’re offering clarity and reassurance.
It’s important to say that a living funeral doesn’t replace what happens after death. Many families still choose to hold a memorial or celebration of life later on. Others opt for a simple, unattended cremation, followed by a gathering at a time and place that feels right.
How to plan a living funeral
If you’re wondering how to plan a living funeral, the most important thing to know is that there’s no “correct” way to do it. What matters is that it reflects the person at the centre of it, and feels comfortable for those attending.
Some people begin by choosing a location that holds meaning. This might be a family home, a garden, a favourite café, a village hall, or somewhere outdoors. Others choose a place simply because it’s easy for people to reach and feels relaxed.
The tone of the gathering is another key consideration. Would you like it to feel like a party, a reflective afternoon, or something in between? Some living funerals include speeches or readings, while others focus on conversation and shared memories. Music can play a big role, whether that’s live performances, favourite songs, or a playlist.
It’s also worth thinking about who you’d like to be involved. Some people invite a wide circle of friends and family. Others keep it small and intimate. You might ask certain people to speak or invite everyone to share stories informally.
If the idea of organising everything yourself feels overwhelming, some celebrants and funeral professionals now offer support with living funerals. You can also try our free send-off planner, A Fine Farewell, which helps you plan a personalised gathering which reflects your values.
Living funeral ideas to inspire you
If you’re looking for living funeral ideas, it can help to think less about what a funeral “should” look like, and more about what feels like you.
Some people choose a shared meal, such as an afternoon tea or dinner, where conversation flows naturally. Others plan a gathering built around music, whether that’s singing together, listening to favourite songs, or inviting a musician friend to play.
Storytelling is often at the heart of living funerals. Hearing how different people remember the same moments can be comforting and grounding, reminding everyone of the shared threads that connect them.
Activities can also play a role. Depending on the person and the setting, this might include walking a favourite route, planting something together, or taking part in a hobby that’s been important throughout their life.
Small keepsakes can be a thoughtful touch. Some people give guests handwritten notes, photographs, or seeds to plant at home.
Others choose to use their living funeral as an opportunity to support a cause that matters to them, inviting donations to a charity instead of gifts.
What these ideas have in common is intention, not scale. A living funeral doesn’t need to be elaborate or expensive to be meaningful.
When a big gathering doesn’t feel right
It’s also important to acknowledge that living funerals aren’t for everyone. Some people don’t want a large gathering or a formal moment of farewell. They may prefer quiet conversations or no event at all.
That choice is just as valid.
For people who want simplicity, a pure cremation can be an appealing option. This involves the cremation taking place without a service or mourners present, allowing family and friends to remember the person in their own way, without time pressure or formality.
Some people combine this with a living funeral, knowing that the practical arrangements are taken care of later, while the personal goodbyes happen while they’re still here.
Thinking ahead with care
Planning any aspect of the end of life can feel emotional, but many people find that thinking ahead brings reassurance rather than fear. It’s a way of caring for yourself and for those you love.
Whether that involves a living funeral, a future celebration of life, or simply having conversations about your wishes, what matters is that those choices feel honest and kind.
At Pure Cremation, we believe that saying goodbye doesn’t have to follow a fixed pattern. What matters is respect, clarity, and giving people the space to grieve and remember in their own way.
If you’d like to explore your options, or learn more about planning ahead, our friendly team is here to talk – whenever you’re ready. You can reach us on 0800 470 23 93.
