Losing a parent is one of the most profound losses a person can experience. The bond between parent and child often shapes who we are, how we see the world, and where we feel safe. When that bond is broken by death, it can feel as though the ground has shifted beneath your feet, leaving you unsteady, overwhelmed, and unsure of who you are without them.
Grief after losing a parent is deeply personal. Some people feel intense sadness straight away, while others feel numb or disconnected. You may find yourself grieving not just the parent you loved, but also the future moments you expected to share. There is no right way to grieve, and no fixed timeline for healing. What matters most is allowing yourself the time, space, and support you need to find a way forward.
Understanding grief after losing a parent
Grief is not a single emotion. It can arrive in waves and take many forms, sometimes all at once. You may feel sadness, anger, guilt, relief, confusion, or even moments of calm that surprise you. These feelings can change from day to day, or even hour to hour.
Many people are familiar with the idea of the “stages of grief,” often described as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While this framework can be helpful for understanding common reactions, it’s important to know that grief rarely follows a neat sequence. You might move back and forth between emotions, skip some entirely, or experience them in unexpected ways.
Grieving the death of a parent is often described as “messy” because it touches so many parts of life. It can affect your sense of identity, your relationships, your routines, and your expectations for the future. Acknowledging that life has changed is not a sign of giving up, it’s a compassionate first step towards learning how to live with your loss.
How age and life stage affect the loss of a parent
Losing a parent can be devastating at any age, but the way grief is experienced often changes depending on where you are in life.
Grieving as a child or young person
For children, the death of a parent can be especially confusing and frightening. A child’s understanding of death depends on their age, development, personality, and previous experiences. Younger children may not fully grasp the permanence of death and might move quickly between sadness and play. This doesn’t mean they are unaffected; it’s often how they cope.
Children benefit from honest, age-appropriate conversations. Avoiding the truth or using vague language can increase anxiety and misunderstanding. Letting children know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused, and also okay to laugh and enjoy life, helps them build healthy coping skills.
Losing a parent as an adult
As adults, we may assume we are better equipped to cope with loss, but losing a parent can still feel deeply destabilising. You might find yourself reacting in ways that surprise you, feeling vulnerable, dependent, or overwhelmed at a time when others expect you to be “strong.”
Adult grief often comes with added responsibilities. You may be organising a funeral, supporting other family members, or managing practical matters such as finances and paperwork. At the same time, you’re grieving the loss of a person who may have been your emotional anchor.
If your relationship with your parent was loving and supportive, you might feel untethered, as though your sense of safety has gone. If the relationship was strained or complicated, grief can feel even more complex. You may mourn not only the parent you had, but also the relationship you wished for or never had the chance to repair.
How losing a parent can affect relationships
The death of a parent can change family dynamics in unexpected ways. Sometimes it brings people closer together, but it can also highlight differences in how individuals grieve.
Siblings may grieve in very different ways, which can lead to misunderstandings or tension. Old rivalries or unresolved conflicts may resurface, particularly when decisions need to be made quickly. Partners may also struggle to support each other if they are grieving differently or under additional stress.
If one parent has died, your relationship with the surviving parent may also change. You may find yourselves getting to know each other in new ways, especially if your parents were always together. This adjustment can take time and patience on both sides.
It’s also common to feel a sense of isolation after losing a parent, particularly if you were a carer or had a routine built around regular contact. When that role ends, it can leave a gap that feels both emotional and practical.
Giving yourself time to grieve
One of the most important things you can do after losing a parent is to give yourself permission to grieve in your own way. There is no deadline for grief, and it’s unrealistic to expect life to return to “normal.”
You may encounter pressure, from yourself or others, to move on or stay strong. While these comments are often well-intentioned, they can feel invalidating. Grief doesn’t disappear just because time passes. It changes, softens, and becomes more manageable, but it doesn’t follow a schedule.
Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up, even if it’s uncomfortable. Regular, private remembrance, such as thinking about your parent, talking to them in your thoughts, or visiting meaningful places, can help you honour the relationship you shared.
Maintaining a healthy routine during grief
Grief can take a toll on your physical and emotional well-being. Sleep may be disrupted, appetite can change, and concentration may be difficult. While it may feel hard, maintaining a basic routine can provide a sense of stability during a time of upheaval.
Try to eat regularly, rest when you can, and move your body gently, even if it’s just a short walk. Doing small things you enjoy is not a sign of forgetting your parent; it’s a way of building strength for the days when grief feels heavier.
If you’re working, let your employer know what you’re going through. You may be entitled to compassionate leave, and many workplaces can offer flexibility or support. Returning to work can sometimes provide helpful structure and distraction, but it’s okay to take things at your own pace.
Talking about how you feel
Grief can feel incredibly lonely, but you don’t have to carry it alone. Talking about your feelings can help, whether that’s with family, friends, a GP, or a trusted community or faith leader.
Some people find it easier to talk face-to-face, while others prefer phone calls, online forums, or writing messages. There’s no right way to share; what matters is finding a space where you feel heard and supported.
If your grief begins to affect your health, daily functioning, or ability to cope, it’s important to speak to your GP. They can help you access additional support if needed.
When forgiveness and unfinished feelings are part of grief
If your relationship with your parent was difficult or estranged, grief can feel particularly complicated. You might experience anger, guilt, numbness, or sadness all at once. You may grieve missed opportunities, unresolved conversations, or past hurts.
Forgiveness, whether towards your parent or yourself, can be a powerful part of healing. It doesn’t mean excusing harmful behaviour or forgetting what happened. Instead, it’s about releasing the emotional weight that keeps you stuck.
Writing can be a helpful way to work through these feelings. Journals or letters allow you to express thoughts you never had the chance to say. Some people find symbolic acts, such as tearing up or burning letters, helpful in letting go.
A therapist or counsellor can also support you in navigating complex emotions and finding a path towards peace and self-compassion.
Keeping your parent’s memory alive
Sharing memories can be comforting, even if it feels painful at first. Talking about your parent, laughing at old stories, or revisiting favourite places can help keep their presence alive in your life.
If talking feels difficult, creative approaches can help. Scrapbooks, photo albums, memory boxes, or digital memorial pages allow you to honour your parent in a way that feels right for you.
Cooking their favourite meals, listening to music they loved, or continuing traditions they cared about can be simple yet meaningful ways to stay connected.
If you’re looking for more ways to keep your parent’s memory alive, try the free send-off planner, A Fine Farewell. With gentle prompts, the AI assistant Aida will help you come up with unique ideas to honour your parent.
Preparing for anniversaries and difficult dates
Anniversaries, birthdays, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day can be especially hard after losing a parent. Thinking ahead about how you want to handle these days can make them feel more manageable.
You might choose to spend time alone, be with family, do something meaningful in their memory, or treat the day like any other. There’s no obligation to mark these dates in a particular way.
Some days will feel more emotional than others, and that’s okay. Grief often resurfaces around significant moments, even years later. Be gentle with yourself and adjust your expectations as needed.
Helping others while you grieve
Some people find comfort in supporting others who are grieving, especially children or those experiencing loss for the first time. Talking openly and honestly about death can help normalise grief and reduce fear.
Helping others doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs. Make sure you have support too, and allow yourself to step back if things feel overwhelming.
Finding support through groups and professionals
While friends and family offer invaluable comfort, support groups can provide something different. Being with others who have lost a parent can reduce feelings of isolation and help you feel understood without explanation.
Professional grief counselling can also be incredibly beneficial. A counsellor offers a safe, non-judgemental space to explore your emotions and develop coping tools. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a positive step towards healing.
Moving forward with kindness towards yourself
The grief of losing a parent can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. Some days you may feel able to cope, while others may feel exhausting and heavy. This is all part of the process.
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting your parent. It means learning how to carry their memory with you while continuing to live your life. Be patient with yourself, take things one day at a time, and reach out for support when you need it.
If you’re looking for further guidance, our help and advice section includes information about bereavement support services available across the UK.
