Coping with grief on Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is a time to celebrate the love and guidance of the women who shaped our lives. But for those who have lost their mother, grandmother, or a maternal figure, the day can feel painfully empty. While the world celebrates, many are left navigating a wave of grief, loss, and longing.

Grief does not follow a timeline, and special occasions like Mother’s Day can bring emotions to the surface unexpectedly. You may find yourself caught between wanting to honour your loved one and feeling overwhelmed by sadness. But there are ways to approach this day with intention, remembrance, and self-compassion. Here, we explore practical ways to cope with Mother’s Day grief, offer support to others, and create meaningful acts of remembrance.

Facing the first Mother’s Day without your mum

The first Mother’s Day after losing your mother can feel particularly raw. Everything, from shops filled with cards and flowers to social media tributes, can act as a reminder of her absence. You may feel unprepared for the surge of emotions or unsure how to navigate the day.

The most important step is to allow yourself to feel what you feel. Grief comes with a whirlwind of emotions, from sadness and anger to guilt, loneliness, or even relief. All these feelings are valid and part of the natural grieving process. Suppressing your emotions often prolongs the pain, so finding healthy outlets is key.

Healthy ways to express your grief

Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and emotions can provide a safe, private space for processing your feelings. You might reflect on memories, express unresolved emotions, or simply write about your day.
Mindfulness and meditation: Simple breathing exercises, guided meditations, or mindful walks can help you stay present and manage emotional overwhelm.
Talking to someone you trust: Whether it’s a friend, family member, or bereavement support group, sharing your grief can bring reassurance, comfort, and a sense of connection.

Remember, there is no timeline for grief. Some days may feel heavier than others, and that’s normal. Allow yourself to take things one step at a time.

Writing a letter to your mother

Writing a letter to your mother, even after she has passed, can be profoundly healing. This is your chance to express gratitude, love, and any unresolved feelings. You might include:

Fond memories that bring a smile or laughter.
Lessons learned and the impact she had on your life.
Feelings of regret or forgiveness, to help release lingering tension.

Consider keeping these letters in a special journal or memory book. Revisiting them over time allows you to see your emotional journey and feel a continued connection with your mother. Many people choose to write letters on significant dates such as Mother’s Day, birthdays, or anniversaries, creating a lasting ritual of remembrance.

Making a plan for the day

Planning how to spend Mother’s Day in advance can help you navigate it with more ease. Unexpected reminders of your loss can be painful, so consider:

Spending time in quiet reflection.
Visiting a meaningful place, such as her favourite park, garden, or memorial site.
Cooking her favourite meal or listening to music that reminds you of her.
Participating in traditions she loved.

There’s no “right” way to spend the day. Prioritise what feels best for you, giving yourself space to grieve, remember, and honour her life in a way that’s meaningful to you.

Starting a new tradition in her memory

Creating new traditions can provide comfort and a sense of purpose. Here are a few ideas:

Giving back in her name

Donations or charity work: Contributing to a charity she supported keeps her passions alive.
Volunteering: Spend time helping others in ways that reflect her values, whether it’s mentoring, supporting a community initiative, or helping at a local shelter.

Even small gestures, such as paying for someone’s coffee or leaving a thoughtful note, can serve as reminders of the compassion she shared.

Planting something in her honour

A tree, flower, or small memorial garden can serve as a living tribute. Each time it grows, you are reminded of her presence and the love she gave. Choose a plant that had special meaning to her, and tend to it as a meditative practice to feel close to her memory.

Gathering with loved ones

Invite family and friends to share stories, light candles, or enjoy a meal that celebrates her life. These moments of shared remembrance can foster connection, comfort, and a sense of ongoing legacy.

If you want more ideas on remembering and celebrating your mother, you can try our free AI-powered service A Fine Farewell. Aida, the virtual assistant, will help you shape something truly meaningful.

Navigating complicated feelings on Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day can be particularly difficult for those who had strained or complicated relationships with their mother. Instead of celebrating idealised maternal bonds, you may experience sadness, resentment, or regret. These emotions are valid and deserve recognition.

Processing difficult emotions

Acknowledge your feelings without judgement. Anger, sadness, or even relief are normal reactions.
Journaling can help explore complex emotions.
Professional support: Speaking with a therapist or counsellor can provide guidance in working through unresolved tension and finding inner peace.

Finding forgiveness and closure

Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning past actions, but it can release emotional weight. Whether it’s forgiving your mother, yourself, or both, this process can be a key step toward healing. Support groups and therapy offer safe spaces to explore these feelings.

Alternative ways to spend Mother’s Day

If traditional celebrations feel overwhelming, consider alternative approaches:

Engage in self-care: Spend the day reading, walking in nature, or enjoying activities that ground and soothe you.
Create your own rituals: Light a candle, make a memory scrapbook, or cook a meal she loved.
Focus on solitude if needed: It’s okay to treat the day like any other, giving yourself space for reflection.

The key is to choose what nurtures your emotional wellbeing.

Supporting someone who is grieving on Mother’s Day

For friends or family members, small acts of kindness can be profoundly meaningful:

Reaching out

A simple text, call, or card can remind someone they are not alone. You don’t need to have all the answers, just showing you care can provide immense comfort.

Offering practical help

Helping with daily tasks can ease the burden of grief. Examples include:

Preparing meals or bringing groceries.
Running errands or picking up children from school.
Accompanying them to memorials or meaningful locations.

Specific offers of help are often more appreciated than general statements like “Let me know if you need anything.”

Sharing the remembrance

Participate in their rituals for honouring their mother. Whether it’s lighting a candle, visiting a special place, or sharing stories, these shared acts of remembrance can strengthen connection and support.

Long-term support and healing

Grief doesn’t end when Mother’s Day passes. Support is often needed for months or even years:

Check in regularly: Send messages, letters, or simply spend time together.
Recognise anniversaries: Birthdays, holidays, and milestones can trigger waves of grief. Be present and sensitive.
Create lasting remembrance: Incorporate your mother’s legacy into daily life, such as cooking favourite recipes, continuing traditions, or telling stories to younger generations.

Understanding that grief evolves over time is vital. Some years may feel harder than others, and that is entirely normal. Healing is about carrying the love forward, not forgetting it.

Seeking professional support

While the love and support of friends and family is invaluable, professional support can provide additional tools and guidance:

Therapists or counsellors can help process complex emotions and provide coping strategies.
Bereavement support groups allow people to share experiences and learn from others in similar situations.
Grief-focused resources, such as books or online communities, offer comfort and understanding.

Seeking help is a sign of strength. The journey through grief is personal, but you do not need to walk it alone.

Honouring your mother beyond Mother’s Day

Remembering your mother shouldn’t be confined to a single day. Her influence can live on through everyday acts:

Continuing cherished family traditions.
Sharing stories and memories with friends and younger generations.
Performing acts of kindness in her memory.
Maintaining personal rituals that feel comforting, such as visiting a favourite place or creating a memory journal.

Through these practices, her love continues to shape your life, offering solace, guidance, and a sense of ongoing connection.

Mother’s Day grief is a deeply personal experience. There is no “right” way to navigate the day, whether through reflection, remembrance, or creating new traditions. Allow yourself to feel, remember, and honour the love you shared with your mother.

Grief is a testament to love. By embracing it with intention and care, you carry your mother’s memory forward, keeping her presence alive in your heart while also nurturing your own healing journey.