Losing someone you love is never easy, and knowing how to honour them can bring its own questions. You may be wondering about the difference between a eulogy and an obituary, and which one you actually need. Both are ways of honouring a life, but they serve different purposes. This article walks you through the difference, so you can feel confident about what to write and when.
What is a eulogy?
A eulogy is a speech that reflects on the life of the person who has died. The word comes from ancient Greek, meaning “words of praise”. It's usually spoken aloud at a funeral or memorial service, often by a close family member or friend.
Writing a eulogy is a deeply personal task. It's a chance to share memories, celebrate who someone was, and offer comfort to everyone listening.
.webp?width=608&height=208&name=Lost%20for%20words%20banner%202%20(2).webp)
What is an obituary?
An obituary is both an announcement and a celebration of someone's life. Unlike a short, factual death notice, an obituary tells a fuller story. It might cover someone's background, family, career, hobbies, and the personality that made them who they were.
Obituaries are usually written and published rather than spoken. You'll often see them in local newspapers, national publications, or online. If you're wondering where to start, our article on how to write an obituary explains the process in more detail.
Eulogy and obituaries: the key differences
Although a eulogy and an obituary both honour someone's life, they're written for different reasons, in different ways, and at different times. Understanding these differences can make it easier to know which one you need to write.
Purpose and audience
A eulogy is written to be heard. It speaks directly to the people gathered at a service, offering comfort and connection in the room. An obituary, by contrast, is written to be read by a wider audience, including people who couldn't attend the service or who knew the person from a different part of their life.
Tone and format
A eulogy tends to be warm, conversational, and personal, much like telling a story to close friends. An obituary usually follows a slightly more structured format, weaving together key facts with personal touches. Neither needs to be formal or stiff. Both should sound like you, or like the person you're writing about.
When each is written or shared
An obituary is often written and published within the first few days after someone dies, sometimes before the funeral takes place. A eulogy is usually written closer to the service itself, once the date and details are confirmed, and is delivered on the day.
Do you need both a eulogy and an obituary?
You don't have to write both, and there's no right or wrong choice here, whichever way you decide between an obituary or a eulogy. Some families choose to publish an obituary and also have a eulogy read at the service. Others focus on just one, depending on what feels right for the occasion and for the person being remembered.
If you're planning a small, private gathering, you might feel that a eulogy is enough. If you'd like to let a wider community know and invite them to share memories, an obituary can help with that too. Sending or receiving sympathy messages is another gentle way people often reach out during this time, whichever route you choose.
What to include in a eulogy
A good eulogy usually includes a few honest, heartfelt memories rather than a full life history. Think about what made the person laugh, what they cared about, and a story that captures their character.
Most eulogies run around 5 to 8 minutes, roughly 500 to 1,000 words. Keep the tone conversational and authentic. Writing a eulogy is an act of love, so it's fine if it feels personal rather than polished.
What to include in an obituary
An obituary usually includes the person's full name, age, and where they lived, along with details about their family, career, and interests. Many people also add a line about the person's personality, so readers get a real sense of who they were.
Publishing an obituary typically costs somewhere between £50 and £300 or more, depending on where it appears, whether that's a local paper, national publication, or online. It's worth checking prices before you commit to a specific outlet.
What is an elegy?
You might also come across the term “elegy” while researching eulogy vs obituary vs elegy. An elegy is a poem or reflective piece of writing that mourns someone's death. Unlike a eulogy, it isn't usually spoken at a service, and unlike an obituary, it isn't a published announcement.
Anyone can write an elegy privately, as a personal way to process grief. If you're looking for inspiration, our collections of funeral poems for a dad and funeral poems for a mum offer gentle starting points.
Frequently asked questions
Is a eulogy the same as an obituary?
No. A eulogy is a speech read aloud at a funeral or memorial, while an obituary is a written piece published to announce and celebrate someone's life more widely.
Which comes first, the obituary or the eulogy?
An obituary is usually published first, often within days of someone dying. A eulogy is typically written and delivered later, at the funeral or memorial service itself.
Who usually writes an obituary?
A close family member often writes the obituary, though some people ask a friend or a professional writer to help. It's entirely up to what feels right for your family.
Who usually gives a eulogy?
A eulogy is often given by a spouse, child, sibling, or close friend of the person who has died. Some families choose to have more than one person speak.
How long should a eulogy be?
Most eulogies last around 5 to 8 minutes when spoken aloud, which usually works out to roughly 500 to 1,000 words. There's no strict rule, so let the content guide the length. If you'd like more support, take a look at our short sympathy messages for extra inspiration when words feel hard to find.
