How many funerals have you been to where you’ve quietly thought, “This doesn’t feel like them”?
Maybe the words were kind, and the music was appropriate, yet something essential felt missing. Perhaps the service was rushed, overly formal, or constrained by a timetable that left little room for the person behind the coffin.
It’s a thought many people recognise. “She was so full of life – why did it feel so solemn?” or “He hated fuss – why did everything feel so rigid and traditional?”
Moments like these often plant a question in our own minds. “What would I want? How would I want my life to be remembered? Who would I want there, what would I want them to feel, and what would I want them to be free from?”
Talking about death can feel uncomfortable, even unnecessary, when life feels busy and full. But thinking about how you want to be remembered isn’t about dwelling on death. It’s about recognising the life you’ve lived – and the people you love – and wanting to leave them something meaningful, rather than something that simply follows convention.
Challenging the idea of a “standard” funeral
For a long time, funerals in the UK have followed a familiar pattern. A funeral director is appointed. A service takes place at a crematorium or place of worship. There is a short window of time, often no more than 30 minutes, to say goodbye. Afterwards, mourners gather somewhere nearby before returning to everyday life.
For some families, this structure feels right. Ritual and tradition can be comforting, especially at a time of shock or grief. But for others, the format can feel limiting – emotionally, financially, or both.
What often goes unspoken is that many people assume this is the only way it can be done. That a funeral must look a certain way to be respectful. That deviation is risky, inappropriate, or even selfish.
In reality, there is no single “right” way to mark a life. What matters is that the farewell reflects the person who has died and supports the people left behind.
Why personalisation matters so much
Grief is deeply personal. It doesn’t run to a timetable, and it doesn’t always respond well to formality. For some, quiet reflection is needed. For others, shared stories, laughter, music, or even celebration feel more honest.
When a funeral doesn’t reflect the person who has died, it can leave loved ones feeling unsettled – as though an opportunity has been missed. A farewell is often one of the last acts of care we carry out for someone we love. When it feels impersonal, that can linger.
By contrast, a farewell that feels authentic – even if it’s simple – often brings comfort. It gives people permission to grieve in their own way and to remember the person as they truly were, rather than as tradition dictates.
A true alternative to traditional services
We offer an alternative for people who want greater freedom and flexibility. A pure cremation removes the need for a formal service at the crematorium, allowing families to separate the practical arrangements from the personal goodbye.
This means the cremation takes place without mourners present. There is no rush, no pressure to perform grief in public, and no requirement to fit within a prescribed structure. Families are then free to plan a memorial or celebration of life in a way that feels right to them – at a time, place, and pace that suits their needs.
For many, this shift is very reassuring. It allows space for grief to unfold naturally, rather than forcing it into a narrow window.
Financial freedom can be emotional freedom
Cost is often an unspoken factor when it comes to funerals. Traditional services can be expensive, and families may feel compelled to spend more than they’re comfortable with out of guilt or fear of judgment.
A pure cremation can significantly reduce costs compared to a traditional funeral, often by several thousand pounds. While money is rarely the main focus at a time of loss, easing financial strain can bring real peace of mind, allowing families to focus on what matters most.
When families aren’t worrying about bills, they’re freer to focus on what really matters: being together, remembering, and supporting one another.
That financial breathing space can also open up possibilities. Instead of a brief service, families might choose a gathering that feels more meaningful – a shared meal, a walk in a favourite place, a gathering at home, or something entirely unique.
If you want to explore more ideas for creating a meaningful send-off, take a look at our free guide.
Asking yourself the right questions
Thinking about how you’d like your life to be celebrated doesn’t need to be morbid. It can be reflective, even empowering. Asking yourself a few gentle questions can help clarify what matters most to you.
Where would you like people to gather – somewhere meaningful, somewhere peaceful, or somewhere familiar? Would you prefer the open air or an intimate indoor space? Is there a particular time of year that feels significant?
What atmosphere feels right? Would you want humour woven in, or a quieter tone? Would you want people to dress formally, or come as they are? Are there songs, poems, or readings that feel like you?
And perhaps most importantly, what would help the people you love feel comforted rather than constrained?
Leaving guidance, not instructions
You don’t need to plan every detail. Often, simply sharing your values and preferences is enough. Letting your family know that you’d like a relaxed gathering, or that you’d prefer your goodbye not to feel rushed or overly formal, can lift a great deal of pressure from them.
Many people worry about burdening loved ones with these conversations. In reality, clarity is often a gift. It reassures family members that they’re honouring your wishes, rather than second-guessing themselves during a time of grief.
Freedom creates space for meaning
Once you’re freed from the financial and organisational constraints of traditional funeral formats, what remains is choice. And with choice comes the opportunity for something deeply personal.
For some, that might look like a quiet moment shared with immediate family. For others, it might be a large gathering filled with music, stories, and laughter. Both are equally valid.
What matters is that your life is remembered in a way that feels true – not rushed, not restricted, and not shaped by expectation alone.
